Technology

Say what you will about children and technology, but it has saved our family.

Spencer plays on my phone all the time. He plays with trains, letters, numbers, and some talking cat game (he feeds, plays with, and puts the cat to sleep – he loves it, I don’t get it). So why do I let him play with my phone? Well, that’s how he has learned the majority of what he knows. They told me at TEACCH (Therapy and Education of Autistic and related Communication Handicapped Children) that he would learn best visually and by actually doing. So he likes puzzles, books, and all things technology. This kid can go through my phone better than I can! It’s crazy! However, sometimes he messes up the phone more than I can too. Yes, here’s a fun story:

So my phone has been turning itself off and restarting when there are too many apps going, see also: when Spencer has the phone. He goes from app to app, not properly closing each application. Anyway, sometimes when the phone restarts it has an error message that goes something like “Samsung is requesting to change phone to factory settings” with the only option being to hit “Okay.” Well, most of the time I have the phone and take the battery out and the message goes away and all is well. Spencer had the phone a few days ago and the error message came on after restarting. I saw that he hit okay and went into panic mode. Yep, that’s right. I lost everything, all of my apps, contacts, pictures – gone. I’ve finally come to terms with everything. Ya know.. I’ve stopped crying and such. We’ve moved on. I guess that’s the tradeoff for letting a two year old play with my phone. That’s definitely the number one negative aspect of the toddler technology.  The other problems would be that my phone is always dead because he drains the battery so quickly. There’s also the problem that he thinks that it’s HIS to play and use whenever he pleases. Not cool, kid. Not cool. It’s especially hard when I get a phone call. Dad and Camber can confirm those issues. They have heard the tantrums that result after I take the phone away from him to answer.

On the positive side- In today’s time I think it’s important for him to be able to use technology. It keeps his attention so well, which is hard for my little autistic boy. He won’t sit and listen as I try to teach him words, numbers or colors. But boy will he listen to the computer say it!

How has it helped Spencer?

Spencer can now count to 20 (count being a relative term). His “Counting” is more like “whine, two, weee, orr, iive, ix, ohh, aye, ine, ten, ev, twel, tee teen, tee teen, tee teen, tee teen, tee teen, tee teen, tee teen, twee twee (Yeah, try and read that!!!) He counts the correct number each time for the teens, it’s actually pretty cute. He is also counting backwards from 10 to 1.

He can say and recognize all of his letters, upper and lower case. He uses a flash card app to go through and quiz himself on them.

He knows several colors (again, in his own language). Wed, Ooonch, ween, woo, ewwo, and purl. Yeah, that’s red, orange, green, blue, yellow, and purple for those who somehow couldn’t get that.

So what’s so special? Well, I didn’t teach him these things. He was climbing the stairs and counted up to ten and started to come back down. I realized that he was counting backwords. WHAT THE HECK?! He knows how to do that? Well, yes. Yes he does, apparently. The same thing happened with counting up to 20. I knew he could count to ten, but then he kept going. What are you doing? Oh my goodness, he’s trying to say 11, 12, 13, etc. How does he know that?! Then I realized that some of the games and movies that he watches count up to 20 and backwards from 10 to 1. So ya can’t say that kids don’t learn when they are using technology.

He’s also currently obsessed with Leap Frog shows on Netflix, which have helped a lot. They do letters, numbers, colors, and shapes. He really does learn a lot.

Of course there is a proper balance for the when and where for using tablets and such. I get a lot of grief about letting him use my phone, but it’s the best way for him to learn. I am always right there helping him and trying to talk to him about what he’s doing. Having Autism it’s hard to do the whole sit down and talk thing. That’s why a phone (and soon to be tablet, thanks santa!!) help so much for the Spencey boy.

Okay, I’m getting off my soapbox. I have just heard a lot about how awful it is to let little kids watch tv and use technology and just wanted to show that it’s not always bad.

Love ya, Spencer boo!  

Halloween!

Halloween at our house is always a little interesting. We have found that Spencer doesn't like many costumes.

The Problems -

I was looking for a costume for him to wear that didn't have a mask, hat, or basically anything on his neck/head. He also wouldn't be a fan of the material that most play costumes are made of, since it’s a different feel and material than most normal everyday clothes. So the best costume would be something to go over his clothes or something that he might wear every day (like cotton.. or ya know.. those other materials).

 I found a few things online that I could buy. Things like superman, doctor, and athlete were all safe bets. He was a basketball player last year and I was very tempted to let him wear a football jersey from Uncle Brenton and Aunt Katie this year and call it a day. I wanted him to try something new, go a little out of his comfort zone. But how far do we push the comfort zone? Ahh, yes, that is the question. 

I looked and looked, found a few things, and then saw the price. Yowza!! Spencer is only going to wear this costume for maybe 20 or 30 minutes? I did not want to pay 30 dollars for something he would hate, and never wear again after this 30 minute outing. After all, that’s a dollar a minute. Yeah, no thanks.

WHAT DO I DO!?!?

That’s when I asked my lovely sister, Camber. I knew she had some costumes from the past Halloweens with her 3 kids that maybe I could borrow. I gave her all the requests for the costume and she said she would look and Hip, Hip, Hooray! Camber SAVES THE DAY!!! She had a couple costumes that could fit over his every day clothes and wouldn't have to use anything on his head.

We went with the Dinosaur riding outfit seen here

We had to practice wearing the costume every day for about a week. I would help him put it on and wear it as long as he would allow it (which was about 10 minutes each time).

Halloween Night

He did SOOOOO well on Halloween night. He didn't mind the costume at all. He knew that we were going outside, so he didn't care. He didn't mind walking or holding our hands. He even said “treat” when we got up to the doors (Okay, it sounded more like tree… but close enough!). The only problem was when we knocked on the door, he said treat, got the candy, and then wanted to go in the house. He was super confused as to why we knocked on the door and left the house without going inside. But other than that, he rocked Halloween like a boss. Granted, we only went trick-or-treating at 2 houses. Hey, baby steps. 

Thanks, Aunt Camber for helping and finding a costume for the boy. Not to mention letting us steal it for a while. Oh, and keeping Mom (Cailey) calm while figuring out Halloween details (and always keeping me calm-ish). We love you!

So Spencer boo, thanks for a fun Halloween and letting me eat your candy since you wouldn't. Love you!

Meltdowns and tantrums

This Kid

Does this look like the face of a child that just had a massive, over the top, holy moly, crazy meltdown? No? Well it was.

Meltdown vs. Tantrum

All kids throw tantrums and all kids have meltdowns. So what’s the difference?

A Tantrum is when a child wants to get attention. It starts out as a choice. Spencer starts out a tantrum, almost always, by throwing his cup, toy, or food. He knows that I will tell him not to do that and try to figure out what he wants. He gets the attention and a reaction from me or some other adult. If he doesn’t get the necessary attention then he keeps it going. Starts crying, rolling on the floor, you know, the normal drama. Tantrums can end quickly, just as quickly as they start. He gets what he wants and can instantly stop crying. It’s almost comical how quickly it can end.

Then we have the meltdown. When Spence is having a meltdown he has no control over what he is doing. He appears violent, scared, and worried. He hits and kicks himself and others. He runs into things and throws things. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing. He can’t listen, doesn’t want anything, and it’s like he’s in a panic. Meltdowns happen for us about once a week, sometimes more and sometimes less. It’s not necessarily because of anything, although I have noticed that it often happens when Spence wakes up from a nap. He seems panicked from the time he wakes up. It might last 10 minutes and the longest has been up to an hour and a half (yes, that’s correct. 90 MINUTES!!!)

Sometimes a tantrum can turn into a meltdown if he doesn’t get what he wants in an “appropriate” amount of time (according to him).

I’ve had people ask how I deal with him hitting, kicking, and screaming. It’s not his fault and we have to remember that. Stuart and I tag team when he is home for these blessed events. Spencer hangs out in his crib a lot during a meltdown because that’s the safest place for him and me. It’s interesting how not upset I get with him. He’s sitting there hitting and kicking me, and all I want to do is hug and kiss him. Not because I’m an angel, FAR from it. But I know that he can’t help it and it makes me sad that I can’t help him. It happens, and then it ends and we go on with our day. Of course I try to avoid tantrums and meltdowns. Things like overstimulation, dislikes, and places with a lot of people and sounds (which is redundant because that’s overstimulation, but those two things are specific overstimulation. So there you have it).

So that’s life. I have to go hold the Spencer boy for his nap because he’s not into the whole nap thing lately. #mamasboy

We love you, Spencer boo!

Autism adventures

I want to use this as kind of a journal to keep track of how Spencer is doing. New words, accomplishments, and such. There also might be some complaints on here.. ya know, it happens.

So obviously, having a child with Autism makes life a little different. For example, when we go places we have to almost screen the area and make sure that it’s Spencer friendly. When he goes to a new place, he gets so stimulated that he just goes crazy. All the lights, people, colors, or anything new is very exciting for him. He just wants to run, or really, run away. In certain circumstances, that isn't a problem. But when we are at a picnic or party that is outside, it becomes a problem. He would run out in the middle of the road in a heartbeat, and would actually love to do that. He has to wander and explore, which makes socializing for him and me a little difficult. I know, I know, people are going to say that’s how all two year olds are. Yeah, I've heard it. I know he’s two and two year old boys are active and interested in the “forbidden” areas. They want to play outside and find something that they shouldn't and start playing with it. Well yes, I suppose that is true. However, Spencer likes to stay away from people. Like this week, we went to a tailgating party that would have been a blast for the average 2 year old. They had food, two bouncy houses, balls and balloons, so much to do. What did Spencer want to do? Walk around BEHIND the building and in the parking lot. This makes it a little hard to be at the party when Spencer wants to do anything but be AT the party. I’m not meaning to complain, but more explain. This is why we don’t go to a lot of birthday parties, ward socials, or other events. Even if we were to come to said events, we wouldn't really be there. It’s just so hard for him to deal with all the things that are happening around him. He’s such a curious character that he has to see everything and everywhere. It’s like the trunk-or-treating deal that a lot of churches do. That gives me a panic attack. There are cars everywhere, an open scene that he could run away, and so many people and candy. AHHH CAN’T BREATHE! Over-stimulation to the max If we go to someone’s house, he is in their closets, bathrooms, and bedrooms. He is trying to escape out the back door. He is screaming because he can’t escape and needs some quiet time. . So yes, that’s how we roll at parties. We come in, maybe say hello, run after Spence until he starts screaming, and then leave. Sorry if we seem anti-social, but that’s life! We try and that’s all you can do.

So the moral of my story, going places is hard. I know that it’s hard with all children not just those with autism, just wanted to explain what we do and how we do it.

On the positive side – He is doing so well with learning and communication.

-He can say and recognize all 26 of his letters. I love going places because he is always saying the letters that he sees. Whether it’s on license plates, signs, food labels, you name it – he’s saying the letters. When he’s lying in bed before falling asleep he’s going through the alphabet. “A, B, C, D, E..” You get it, he likes letters.

-He’s also super into numbers. He can count to 10 and does it ALL. THE. TIME. He counts when he’s taking steps, playing with trains, going up stairs, eating crackers from his tray. Counting, counting, counting! He even moves objects like he’s trying to add. Like 1, 2 shoes (spencer’s shoes) and 1, 2 mommy’s shoes. 1, 2, 3, 4 shoes.

-He likes colors, but really only red, blue, and green. He walks around labeling colors as well.

So all in all, he walks around labeling things. All day, every day. Numbers, colors, and letters.

He has about 20 words (more, please, dada, papa, boo boo, tree, shoes, show, simple words like that) Although he still doesn't say Mama – dang it! We are working on that. He still signs some, but it’s with the word. We are working on putting two words together. We’ll see how that goes.

-Animal and animal sounds – He can identify several animals and make several animal sounds. He can say cow, duck, fish, pig. He can quack, moo, and make the elephant noise (whatever that is). Anyway, that’s just a few, but we get the point.

He’s a smarty pants that likes to show off. Although I don’t know how big of a deal these things are, because I’ve lost track of what is “normal” for his age. So maybe it isn’t a big deal, but it’s a big deal for us! Love you, Spencer boo.

The Diagnosis

So as a lot of you may know, we have been going through the procedure to find out if Spencer has Autism. Well after jumping through the hoops, over the obstacles, and going around the curves, we have an official diagnosis: Autism Spectrum Disorder. In this post, I am talking about what we have learned. I am by no means an expert on autism, this is just what I understood from the meeting that we had with the specialists.

Autism - WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?!
Well, it means that his brain works a little different than the average person. He does very well with predictability, rote memorization, and routine. We knew that something was different because he isn't talking but can say and recognize almost all of his ABC's. His brain does much better with learning things visually. When he sees something, he can recognize it. He can point and say his letters, and also point to numbers, colors, and objects when asked (Like "Where's the blue ring?" or "Where's the number 2?" or "Where's the dog?") He knows that you are asking him something, and may even know the answer. He can't always verbally answer the question. 

Right now he is already receiving speech therapy and play therapy. They work with him on starting and finishing tasks, fine motor skills, and obviously - speech! They gave us tips to help with the following

Transitions
We are now going to work with him on transitions from one task to another. They gave us tips on how to help with that. He always throws a tantrum when we come in from playing outside because he doesn't understand why he has to come in. So they told us to use an object to help with transitions. Bring a cup outside so that he knows to come inside to get some water. This helps him to visually see that water is next on our "agenda" so to speak. They also said to use short words or phrases when speaking. Instead of saying "would you like to come inside for some water?" we should try to say "cup." so that he knows that he is coming inside to get a drink. He just can't sort through all the other words to make sense of what we are trying to say. He can't grasp the concept, so we are going to try and shorten our talking to ease that frustration. Once he gets that he can verbally say cup and get something to drink, then we can add more words, like "juice cup" or "water cup" to help him broaden vocabulary and understanding. 

Wants and Needs
When Spencer wants something, we have to play the guessing game to figure out what he wants. He knows some sign language, but it doesn't really help because he won't initiate the communication. He whines until I ask "would you like more?" Which then he may sign more, or he may not. But then the problem is... More what?! So they told us to try and use cards. I have tried to use them before, but I think that I tried to use too many at one time. They said to start out with simple things that he can identify, and maybe only using 2 or 3 cards. So we are going to try and use a picture of a cup, ball, and grapes (one of his favorite snacks). This will allow him to understand that he has to DO something to communicate his wants and needs. When he's hungry, he can hand me the card with the grapes on it.  

Travel
Travel is just a pain in the butt. Basically they said that he may be waking up in the middle of the night, realizing that he isn't in his crib and he's not in his room. We've all done it, woken up in the middle of the night and for a brief second thought, "Where am I?" It's a little different for him because it probably makes him feel worried and starts to panic. So we pretty much have to deal with it until he gets a little older and can realize that he is not home and won't be home for a few days. Yipee. 

Attention Span
So Spencer plays best when he is "working." He loves sorting things, putting things in order, and lining things up. They said that in order for him to complete tasks, he needs to know where his space is and what he can do in the space. Meaning, putting him in a chair with arms, so he can feel a sense of security and know his space allowance. Help him to see that he can play at the table that he is pushed up to. They did this during the evaluation and he sat there for 50 minutes!!! That's never happened before. So basically, in order to let him learn and play, we are going to let him "work"

The Autism group, TEACCH (Treatment and Education of Autistic and Related Communication - Handicapped Children) has told us that we are trying to help him learn how to learn. We already know some of the things about how he can and likes to learn. We are going to use this knowledge to try and teach him the principles so he can learn by himself. (Just like teaching the correct principles and letting them govern themselves!)

This diagnosis doesn't change anything. The only thing that it did is allow us to find some support to help Spencer to keep being Spencer. He is the same cute, cuddly, funny, sweet, loving boy. He just learns a little different. We don't love him any less. In fact, if it were possible - we love him more! He's the best boy, and we will continue to fight for him. Love you, Spencey boo! 

Three months!

Holy smokes!!!! It's been three months. These three months have been the craziest of my life! We had a baby, graduated, and moved all in the same three months (well actually, that was all in the same month..)

So baby update. Baby Spencer is doing great. All of us are learning new things about him every day. He still loves to snuggle when he sleeps and if he is awake, you better believe he is moving. His happiest place in the world is the swing.. See here:

Why, yes! He is a cute baby. This was taken at the Lake by Auntie Auburn

He has had a bit of colic, so we spend a lot of time at the swing. But overall, he is a wonderful baby and we love him so much! 

We also graduated from BYU-Idaho and moved away from our home away from home. It's bitter sweet leaving a place like Rexburg.

Rexburg is where I had my first apartment, where I lived on my own. It's where I met my best friends in the world!

               

                 

It's also where why I met and dated my husband

Disclaimer: that is totally NOT Rexburg, but you get the point.

...It's where I lived after we first got married. Our first home together.

Tiny - but it worked.

It's where I lived while I was pregnant.

It's where I had my sweet baby boy.

                                                             It's where I got my education. 

It was my home away from home.

So as you can see, Idaho will always hold a special place in my heart. Is it where I want to live forever? No, but it sure  was a  good place to go to school and I will always be grateful for my time at BYU-Idaho.

Post about Spencer's blessing coming soon... (I hope).

What I've learned

After lots of thought and prayers I have been pondering the few things that I have learned from my experiences thus far with becoming a parent.

I might not be at school learning right now, but that doesn't mean that I am not learning. 

I have learned that my son likes to sleep during burping.

I have learned that becoming a parent is a lot easier transition than I thought it would be.

I have learned that the man that I married has to be one of the best fathers I have ever seen. 

I have learned that (some) nurses are the best people in the world.

**Disclaimer- I technically already knew this, because my mother is one of the best people in the world.

I have learned that there is nothing like being there for your child. It's so hard to leave them- especially when you are sick. That's why my mommy is here. 

I have learned that the love for a child is most definitely unconditional. That child can spit up, scream, yell at me, and put me through whatever pain all he wants. I'll take it. 

I have learned that family is the most important thing in the world. My past, present, and future family. They are so supportive and you can always count on family. 

I have learned that strength will always come - Especially when you rely on the Lord. 

I have learned that I can function off a lot of pain and very little sleep! 

Another thanks to our family - in NC and here in Idaho!!!!! Stuart's family and my family has been calling and wishing that they were here.  

We are grateful to have our family here in Rexburg as well. Stuart's mom, my mom and dad, and Camber and family are all here. 

My poor mom had to deal with my whining and complaining post-surgery. I tell you what, that woman is patient! Thanks, Mommy. I love you and I hope you know that!

My Papa surprised us the morning of surgery by coming to the hospital. He wasn't supposed to come until the end of March for graduation, but he couldn't stay away from his baby having a baby :) Love you, Daddy 

My big sissy, Camber. She always has and always will do so much for me. She is letting us use so much baby stuff and is just so generous in everything that she does. She is always making sure that we are okay and have everything that we need. Love you, Camber and thank you for everything. I really don't know how to thank you, but I hope you know that we all really appreciate everything. The clothes (mine and Spencer), swing, bouncer, food, Diaper bag, and well there is so much to name! We are just very grateful. 

I know there is so much more to learn and to be grateful for. But that has just been weighing on my mind.

I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for Stuart and how amazing he has been.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, and I know that some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers (thank you, Alan Jackson).

So no, I haven't learned everything about labor, delivery, and motherhood. But I have learned a lot and am so grateful for the opportunity to continue to learn. 

A special thanks to all the thoughts and prayers headed our way. We couldn't be happier with our sweet baby boy. He is already our pride and joy and we can't wait to have him home.

**Pictures to come**